today i ran all over the place.
well,
i drove.
it's the first day in so long that i've had to spend so much time in the car,
other than those long lazy drives to somewhere we want to be.

we're edging into the days when i need to shuttle;
bring one here,
pick one up,
drop one off,
see about this or that.

today,
lindsey fell asleep in the car on the way home from the orthodontist.
as if i needed
a reminder
that she's still just a little girl.
i don't.
as much as i worry,
i looked into the eyes
of the child on the computer screen
at the office,
and was sure
all of a sudden,
and completely,
that she's going to be ok.

she was sitting right in front of me,
and she was ok; better than ok.
it was such a good day.
but it was her eyes,
from the dentist's office photo from two years ago,
that reminded me
about what is in there,
that just doesn't change.
and what's in there is so very good.

::

callie started playing soccer yesterday for the first time since first grade.
and when i picked her up,
her knees were dirty,
and she was hot and messy,
and i don't think i've ever seen
anyone
so beautiful
and strong.

lately,
i've been thinking about callie...
about little callie.
with her bangs and her mary janes.

and that little girl is so clearly still inside
this tall, capable, challenging girl.
and girl, she still is...

::

tonight when i came home from driving around the county,
tim had made anna pancakes for dinner.
and emptied the dishwasher,
and cleaned up from the pancakes.

there was a row of items on the counter that could not find their place.

the top to the blender.
the juice attachment for the mixer.
the cheese knives.

and i realized that there's a whole lot about our house,
and our life,
that only i know.

that i govern.

and that it's taken a while for me to let other people try to help,
to try to find a role in this little world i've made for us.

and how lucky i am,
that they still try.

::

more, soon.
xo,
tt